It's important to learn from movies. There's even something to be learned from the hustle and bustle of action movies. Let us take a look at Taken Deux, where the awesome that was found in Taken was replaced with the following valuable life lessons:
1. You can make an afternoon S.O.S. call from Istanbul to your CIA buddies who are golfing in the afternoon in Los Angeles because Turkey and California are in the same time zone.
2. When you have marital problems, the best way to work on issues is to take a trip to China
3. Liam Neeson uses the same elven magic Legolas uses to have endless ammunition
4. Nine bad guys cannot shoot one Liam Neeson who stands before them. Liam Neeson can shoot all nine.
5. Failing your driving test twice means you can drive like a NASCAR pro throughout unfamiliar, busy streets in Turkey without hitting pedestrians and dodging bullets
6. Diameter and circumference both mean radius
7. Bad guys won't strip search you for a phone
8. Bad guys let you make phone calls before they take you
9. Answer your father's phone calls. Always.
10. It's okay to hide behind a shirt in a closet. No one will move the hanging clothes to look for you.
11. It's possible to be kidnapped twice in your lifetime and be saved both times
12. You can easily return to the United States after killing dozens and enjoy ice cream days after being kept hostage
13. The best way to enter the U.S. Embassy is to crash through the security booth
14. Albanians conduct funerals in their home country in English
15. Albanians speak English to each other in Russian accents
16. Voldemort lived in Albania
17. If you were kidnapped in Paris and sold as a sex slave, you won't have PTSD and will be excited at the thought of traveling to Turkey.
18. Liam Neeson is very awkward amongst guy friends
19. The leading cause of death for Albanian men between the ages of 25-65 is Liam Neeson
20. Turkish taxis will not sustain a scratch after they're rammed into gates, other cars, and buildings.
21. All Turkish taxis are Mercedes
22. It's smart to leave your phone on vibrate
23. It is unnecessary to pay attention to your barking guard dog
24. An iPhone can reliably make calls in Turkey, despite having "No Service"
25. Liam Neeson has apparently shot his daughter's previous boyfriends????
26. When crossing the border into Turkey, your packed caravan of cars only requires one passport check.
27. A teenage girl will not immediately check her cell phone after getting out of the pool
28. Ex-CIA agents travel with grenades when they are doing bodyguard work
29. Liam Neeson can use an iPod NANO as a telephone
30. Turkish GPS systems are in English
31. Speed of sound is different on Planet Taken 2
32. The U.S. Embassy suddenly relocates from Ankara to Istanbul when Liam Neeson needs it to be where he is
33. Liam Neeson is getting tired of all this
I'm really looking forward to Taken Tois. Coming in 2015.
34. Liam Neeson is reckless with his family
